The Game Plan

I have had a very busy few days. A lot of work and a few meetings. I also had the opportunity to talk to a guy who stopped drinking a few years ago after being begged by his family to get help. From this lovely conversation I went into a research mode about alcohol, alcohol withdrawal , fallback, and working plans to get it all under control long term. And really it comes down to honest criticism, addressing a problem and having a plan for what's coming.

Here is the main outline. 1) Get yourself healthy and happy. 2) Get Somebody you trust on your team for support. 3) Get a new hobby. 4) Get Real Treatment. 5) Find a healthy way to manage stress.

So basically I am going to spend some time and get specific with my methodology. My niece wants to learn guitar and piano. I want to exercise and 'prep' so i feel a lean in those directions.

Also I have been researching the SuperBrain concept of Deepak Chopra. Which talks about creating new pathways in your brain by learning new things and switching the routine things we do around. So I will take it as a challenge and pleasure to come up with a fun and effective way to live a happy lifestyle.

Now to the meat. I haven't been drinking since the last post. Now that I have seen some options I wish I was doing the 'no drinking at all 4 days a week with wiggle room on the weekends.' but, For now until the end of the year just going with complete sobriety.

Details will be forthcoming as to the self-therapy.

-A

Thanksgiving: Family Time

So Family time has come and gone and the second round is December 25th.

I really enjoyed my little bubble I live in given all the time off of work and what not. What I did not care for at all was my family interactions. My friend time was cool but, slightly lonely and introspective. As far as the drinking goes I had a few with the family and the friends from that were in town but, nothing like what I would have.

Also the 25th of this month, which is 2 days ago, marks my 4th full month at my new job. All I am saying is what the heck am I working for. I have blown through a few thousand and had some good times but really I have not accomplished anything other than getting my feet under me. And Honestly I really didn't do a bang up job of that.

So I'm ready for the world. And also going on a strict no alcohol diet to finish the year out. i have also decided that i need to get my own place and get my head together. I'm thinking that this Thanksgiving is the penultimate stroke to the Coup de Grace.

Keeping it true.

-A

Back on the grind.

So I have proven to myself without any doubt that I can go out and have a good time not drinking. i do realize that I am not as loud and a bit more reserved but, that is to be expected. I also challenged myself to go to a bar and have just one drink and chill and leave. This task was much harder but an ex-alcoholic told me that it is the truth mark of conquering a drinking problem.

That being said. i went out last night after work with co workers and bosses and bout a round of drinks of which I had a cranberry orange juice mix. At that time I told myself this is stupid being out spending money and not drinking. plus i found myself worrying about the people I have gotten absolutely smashed with  multiple times going home by themselves. It's all very illogical. Being the sober one sucks at times.

All this is pointing to my just avoiding the bar altogether. It's a big step and it was not part of the plan but it may be the next rung in the ladder. the only issue with this is that it doesn't give me a gauge of in-the-environment self-control. However, it is a different measure of self-control not participating in the recreational activities around me in general. There is a hotel party, a fashion show, and a house party all happening this weekend as well as some pre- and post- Thanksgiving serious outings coming up. Am I to just simply avoid all of them? And unlike my normal life, I have a four-day-weekend coming up.  (ugh that's a lot of hyphens)

Alas maybe I will just Bug In like a good prepper and finish some work early with this time. Whatever the case It'll be all over this blog!

-A

Crazy Day

Some crazy things happened today ending with my walking home from 30th and Euclid! I went  to sleep on the bus after leaving the bar and no drinking until 2 am. I messed up along my route and went to sleep. I woke up in East Cleveland at some bus depot and had to boy scout my way back to a reasonable bus route.

By that time I was so  tired I passed out and ended up back downtown. I got back on the bus and jumped off early thinking I passed my stop. Walking home in the cold I just realized how serious the changes I need to make are.

Goodnight.

Fear and Loathing in Cleveland

Well today is the seventh day of straight sobriety. I have plenty of money and a lot of opportunity however, I did not drink for a week for the first time since about march of this year.

--- I started this post a while ago.. the next day I had a drink or four.

At least I did get that week in.

Ah Yes. Serious Again!!!

So here it is again. Since I've started this drinking strike I have had multiple relapses. But I have learned a lot about myself. I wish I was betting someone or had any real stake in this thing. It's nice to just have a reason. so I'm giving myself one.

I'm going to save all of my money for a car and a prepper lifestyle. I'm already spartan and closet survivalist so i'll just dial it up a notch. My goal to be a good husband and role model for the family I don't have yet overwhelms me.

I have noticed that even though I haven't stuck to a No Drinking philosophy I have drastically reduced my drinking and money spent on drinking. It has left me accomplishing more things. thinking longer and having a higher balance in my bank account. This binge drinking thing I go through is real , though. It is a disease. and it needs to be handled.

My Name is Ahmed and I'm an alcoholic.... Now what?

I have had some great experiences and a few good conversations that have humbled me in this journey and I hope to build on them. The biggest impact, for real, is trying to spend as little money as possible on a buzz. Which is actually a step forward, believe it or not.

I want to be good and I want a good woman and I think I need to fully conquer this demon to get there.
Let's be honest, It's time to get really honest!!

Endulge!

-A