Yuck

I am working through so much, of so many things, from so long ago.
This is how it's dealt with. Ugly and in the open.

Fell off the wagon

I had an epic fail.

I was going along just fine and was going to meet some co-workers at the local bar. ( "Yeah I know, right?  I'm in the future also.") So, I am there and drinking a cola and just enjoying the night. I am also being ridiculed for not doing my normal damage at the bar. 

I was offered many different shots and beers and what not and I was about to leave when for what ever reason I gave in. I broke the seal and that was all it took to start the avalanche of what occurred next. That one shot led to a whole night of drinking for free that ended in eating breakfast at 5am at one of my favorite local diners. 

Ugh!!, I am actually mad at myself, which really never occurs. That also means I am serious.The lowest point of the binge was talking on the phone to a prospective mate and not wanting her to know I messed up. It was shame I felt. I was actually ashamed of myself. Wow.  

Now what? Now we push on. Now I must pick myself up, dust myself off, and reset my feet. Now with a greater resolve I must push on. I did not realize this would even be difficult. Maybe it is because I live a very in-the-moment kind of life that restriction and I don't really jive. So this is a good exercise for more reasons than just one. Restricting oneself is part of being an adult right? that's why we don't just smack that chick at the office.

Time to grow up. Send me your good vibes and strength and let's get it!

First Friday

I thought I would not be able to blog today.

I had to be at work at 0530 hrs and did not get off until 2130 hrs today. And it's one of those Fridays where we all get off and start drinking then come to work talking crap about how we drank the night before.

I skated out of work in good time and i'm exhausted. Perfect time to throw one back. As I fiend for a Bacardi and Pepsi, I am thinking; "No. just go to sleep. and wake up for the next day." The fact that I have these very real thoughts makes me think. I conclude that yes i have adependency issue. I associate good times and relaxing and accomplishment with alcohol. So What Now? well as they say in AA; One Day at a Time.

--BooksP.

Well It's day #2

Yesterday stopped at 2 bars with my boy to 1, eat; and then to 2, watch the first Presidential Debate of 2012. it was so gross going to a bourbon bar and sipping cola.

 Today I am really wanting a drink because I know I can not have one. It's payday and a few people wanted to step out. Tomorrow I'm invited to a LGBT club in Akron with four bi and lesbian women, three of which are models, and my homeboy, Ugly!! I'm going to have to pass just to stay out of trouble.

Well It's cool I'm just going to be tough. Stay home and do some homework. Keep ya posted, --BooksPages

No Drinking Until New Year

Hello world,

As part of a social experiment into me becoming a better all around man I'm going to stop drinking until, January 1st 2013. I will be using my substantial drinking budget to improve my wardrobe, lifestyle, and business.

 My drinking budget is so substantial because it includes paying for others when I go out as well to keep my financially secure image up. I don't make a lot of money but I do have multiple sources of income and very little expenses.

 My friend, I will call her Little Brat, always compliments me on the kind of man I am and how great of a person I am, however she thinks I drink too much, spend no money on myself, and am not as focused as I should be on my start-up. As a workaholic and a bartender, I do drink a lot more than most people. I do not think drinking is an addiction but more of a good time helper. As far as buying myself things, I think that being raised poor condition me to not buy things. There is no argument to be had about not giving enough time and effort into my business. That does need to change. So I am going to blog as daily as I can to keep track of what occurs until new year. Enjoy, -BP